As Tammy Hill, LFMT, starts working with couples in therapy, she often goes to this one point: What is your why?
What is Your Why?
Your why is like the bullseye on a target. It’s what you’re choosing to live for, who you want to be known as. When we are living what we believe we are and who we want to be, we are living in alignment; and when we’re living aligned, we are living our whys.
Now think a little bit about your why in regards to device usage and how it’s impacting you as an individual as well as how it might be impacting your relationships with others.
Cell Phone Snubbing
Since the year 2000, 92% of the divorces in the United States include within the divorce decree that cell phone or other technology as evidence that the usage led to some type of infidelity.
Research also shows that many couples are not connecting because one or both are being “phubbed”…cell phone snubbing. Phubbing is when you are more interested in your phone than in the people who are around you. Phubbing is damaging relationships.
Several years ago, Tammy and her husband, Jeff, took a lovely trip to Washington DC. The highlight of that trip was going to Mount Vernon the home of George and Martha Washington. Their home was on the Potomac River. Next to Mount Vernon, there was a colonial restaurant. People dressed as the colonists would have been dressed served food that would have been served back in the day.
As Tammy and Jeff sat to order their meal, they observed that, at every table, at least one person was engaged in their phone. She states, “I honestly don’t think they talked to one another the entire time they ate their meal. As I sat there, I truly just felt sorrowful in my heart for so many missed opportunities as people were artificially connecting to their devices and missing the chance to connect with each other.”
One of the leading researchers on marriage in the world has found that 86% of American adults continuously check their devices for social media updates, emails, and messages. They also found that successfully married couples turn toward each other 86% of the time to accept bids for connection. Isn’t it interesting that they are the same number.
As you think about what you want to accomplish in your time and mortality (as you consider who you want to become while you’re here) which of those 86% align with who you really want to be?
Turn Towards Each Other
We encourage you to really think a little bit about your purpose in regards to device usage and how it’s impacting you as an individual as well as how it might be impacting your relationships with others. Here are two ways you can make technology work for you within your many different relationship.